Where lies Salvation?

Where lies Salvation?
Where lies bliss?
Within your beloved’s embrace?
Or at the height of musical strains?
I wish a path were clearly marked
but ‘tis not so and I don’t fret
for the journey is preparatory
thy destination not a surety.

At the ecstatic heights of the Himalayas
surrounded by unfathomable secrets
plunging deep into crevasses,
do we find enlightenment?

Or does one need to look within
and find the path emblazoned
on one’s heart, lit with neon lights
marking the route, all one needs
is to take the first step.

Welcome to my mind

“Hi, welcome to my head, hope you don’t mind the mess in here. That song that you can hear in the background, try listening to it. It is one of my favorite songs of all time. Its called ‘I’m a Rock’ by Simon and Garfunkel. Sometimes I have felt just like that. Like there is no point in life as we know it. When the feeling overpowers me, I’m left wondering why we are, what we are and why we do the stuff that we do.

Sometimes, I feel like it is all pointless, that there is no point to existence but to live and then die. What else is there? All of us go through life, we have our ups and downs, and we struggle and work and strive until our families are well settled and safe and then what? We just die, all of us. After having led a life full of struggle, no matter how rich or poor you are, regardless of your societal status, you would have had to struggle through some part of your life. Even if you had been a rich kid with all the creature comforts, the mere fact that you had to live a life with no point to it would be reason enough to depress you.

I have been depressed by the fact that there is no point to existence. But on other occasions, I have been awed by existence. On a few occasions, to such an extent that I felt my entire being touched by everything around me.

It happened on the balcony of my hostel. Our campus is quite beautiful and during the evenings, you find flocks of exotic birds flying around. On that day, everything seemed perfect, the setting sun looked like a giant orange laddoo, the birds chirping in the trees seemed to be singing a song and the breeze started dancing to the tune. It was then that I felt this profound feeling, like I was just a small part of this awesome and beautiful universe. I could sort of feel the cosmic dance all around me. It felt like I could sense the entire universe all around me and I felt like an integral part of it all. The strength of the feeling was so intense that I had tears in my eyes.

Moments like this have happened on a few more occasions, and one memorable time was when I was in one of the woods surrounding Nainital from where the Himalayan range was visible. Nature wields such a powerful influence over me that I would even give up the heights of orgasm to be in the beautiful environs of a place like Nainital.
But after having given this subject ample amount of thought, I have come to a conclusion which shall stand until I come across evidence contrary to its implications. You see, life is amazing enough for it to justify its existence without having to give you a point to its existence. You get me? Life need not give you a point or a reason for its existence because the mere amazing, awe inspiring, varied beauty and brutality of life is sufficient without one having to seek out the point to all existence. Though one may still go along that path, I’ve decided to stop treading down that road and instead, simply enjoy the moment and experience everything that life has to offer.

Right, I see that you are getting impatient and are dying to get out of my mind, so here goes, initiating ejection process… Bye!”

Aimless

Rusted rudder, sails turn as they please
Captain dozes, his life lays ahead of him
but he cares not for the ship, its direction
“Which way do I point it?”, he cries
“I have no direction in life! Am I to direct the ship?”
“Let the current carry us as it pleases, let the wind
blow us where it cares, let random chance take us
hopefully to exciting places, I shall not touch the wheel!
bring on the dancers onto the deck, where is my band?
its time to celebrate, the moon is out again, the Wind
whispers, Listen! It’s the fairies blowin in the wind
listen carefully, and you will hear them singin!”

Why?

This poem is dedicated to my friend Rachit, he has found himself in such situations on more occasions than he would care to admit! Rachit, if you are reading this, i would like to thank you for the inspiration that you provided me with :)


Why do you make me feel this way?
To you it seems like its all fun and games
You laugh when I look at you like
A puppy dog imploring you to look
Into my eyes, But you just laugh and say
You are so cute, where did you learn that look?

I pretend to play the game, inside I ache
If only I could for once pour my heart out
You would know, the depth of my love
But my brain goes kaput when you are near
My heart blocks my larynx, gastronomic somersaults
Prevent me from expressing what my soul wishes to sing

Can’t you discern the turmoil within me?
Why can’t you show me a sign that we are meant to be?
I’ll never pluck the courage, and Dutch courage won’t do,
I don’t want anything to slur the purity of my feelings
For eons then if I must, I shall wait for a sign from you
Until then, I am doomed to be the imploring pup by your feet

Idiot's Kiss

I went through life without once feeling
The strength of the greatest emotion
Many friends were just that, friends
Never had I felt an echo from the depths
Of my being, a note mingling
With perfect harmony had escaped my grasp

Now I see you, O perfection incarnate!
My essence boils over at the mere sight
Of your sweet eyes, my mind and heart
Have finally concurred
I yearn to gaze at you
Into your eyes I wish to stare
And never shall I have another care

But woe the day that you
Accepted that idiot’s kiss
I leave now to seek bliss
At the foothills of the Siwaliks
Beyond your horizon
And beyond your infectious gaze
I go now, I go now…

Nightmare

A weak tendril reaches out through the foggy veil
A weak tendril desperately trying to make contact
The dreamy world had cast its charms
Ugly reality had no right to be here
This went on for more time than
My foggy mind can recollect
Until finally the chirping birds and the sunlight
Filtering into my room awakened me with a jolt
The tendril caught hold of my mind
In its vice like grip, terror took root
I screamed when I looked at the time
I ran and ran and ran till I was dressed
I must have set a world record I’m sure
Locking my room, I tore down the empty corridors
Not a soul around, they all had left already!
Is the exam over? Will they let me in?
I wondered in a feverish dreamy state!
I awoke with a jolt and to my chagrin
My situation had not changed, reality it seems
Had decided to play along with my dream-weaver
The clock made me howl!
This time though I was prepared
I pulled the sheets around me tighter
And bid adieu to reality

Indebted- An ode to my family

The swift river flowed around me, a reassuring cool embrace.
With power to sculpt mountains, she instead chose to sculpt me.
With energy to erode away entire countries,
she instead chose to erode my vices.
With ability to awe the universe,
she instead stayed by my side and made me, me.

The rock that stood rising up to the stars, always by my side he stood.
Never a moment's rest he sought when I needed his guidance and support.
Unchanging integrity,an example was set,
for me to follow was but another step.
No matter how dark the day had dawned, the rock stood solid by my side.
With his peak among the stars and galaxies, never did he choose to overwhelm me. Humble and pious moments did we share,
he inspiring me to flow in the stream of life
with integrity and flair.

My constant companion, a true friend.
A rare bond that we share
that eternity cannot send to oblivion.
A comfort and an aide to banish boredom,
on dreamy summer afternoons and chilly morning jaunts.
Physical distances do not matter,
imprints of these special people reside in my soul
and will remain
after this universe has seen its last star.

The Second Class Coach

Rosy Kutti knew that it would be impossible to get a seat on the train at such short notice, but her daughter had called her again and as usual she had cried over the phone. Especially in the last month, the distress calls from her daughter had increased in frequency. Maybe, if Rosy had let Mary continue with her studies, probably they would all have been better off. She had hoped that her son, Ebenizer would one day grow up to be a great doctor or an engineer and would pull the family out of the hole. He grew up to be a drunkard and gambled all the money that Rosy earned by working twelve hours a day as a maid cleaning houses and washing vessels and clothes.

The train was crowded just as she had expected it to be. What with all the holidays coming up, people were going home to their families. Though she only had an open ticket, she decided to take her chances in the reserved coach. She wasn’t the only one, the aisles were choked with people and the TTE who was making his slow way across the train would have on any other occasion thrown the open ticket holders out of the coach, but today, he was in no mood to do his job right as that would entail a lot more effort than was humanly possible.

Rosy found a comfortable spot to stand at. She positioned herself next to a compartment which was predominantly occupied by families who were traveling together. She stood next to the backrest of one of the seats and leaned her tired back against it.

Rosy had decided that Mary had been through enough, she couldn’t allow her daughter to be punished for no reason by her insane drunkard of a husband. She would now be able to channelize all the anger that she failed to express towards her son in the direction of her son-in-law. Besides, she had been spending too many Christmases in the company of her drunk son, this time, she wanted her daughter by her side when they held the special mass that she loved so dearly as it meant that she could sing all her favorite songs that she had learnt at Sunday school as a child.

The seat that Rosy stood right next to had a harried young father seated on it. Shanmugan was traveling for the first time in his life in the second class compartment as the first class had been booked months ago. His wife and his two year old daughter were next to him on the inner seat.

Shanmugan was not happy with the situation at hand. He had been holding his piss for the last hour because he couldn’t imagine how he would be able to make his way through the crowded aisle. His wife pointed out that the vendors from the pantry car were doing alright. Following his wife’s advice, he followed in the wake of a ‘bhajji’ seller and managed to reach the toilets at the end of the compartment after fifteen minutes of jostling. By the time he came back, Shanmugan was not at all a happy man! He was a successful business man who made big bucks, this ought not to be the way for him to travel! He had suggested chartering a helicopter, but his wife had objected saying that he should stop frittering away his cash and probably start a savings account for their daughter’s college tuition. Shanmugan had wisecracked asking if she wanted him to save up cash to buy a college, but to no avail and there he was, in a crowded, hot and smelly compartment of the largest rail service in the world!

Rosy had taken Shanmugan’s seat when he had been gone. She had been working weekends too for the past two months and today had been an especially arduous day which had begun at three in the morning. Shanmugan though was in a dark mood and took immense offence at Rosy having taken his seat. Didn’t he have enough troubles in his life already? What sort of a twisted mind was responsible for his fate?

What irritated Shanmugan even more was that now he would have to fight his conscience and that too after a very exhausting duel with his sphincter muscles. Rosy was an elderly woman who seemed like she could really use the seat more than anyone else in the coach, but Shanmugan had always been able to silence the voice of his conscience and he did it in his own inimitable style. His father had taught him well, there can be no conscience in a business man’s life. Good advice, Shanmugan had followed it from day one and had managed to dethrone his father from the business and had taken over the empire.

“Are you crazy woman? Get out of here or I’ll call the TTE!” shouted Shanmugan. As he shouted, his daughter who had taken a special liking to Rosy and had snuggled up in her lap woke up with a start.

Rosy glared at him and silently got off the seat, she knew better than to argue with these rich snotty types, she had worked for too many of them and knew that they were self centric and it would be meaningless to try to hold a civil conversation with them, they would simply snub you.

Rosy went back to her standing position and the train moved on. Shanmugan sat down grumbling and muttering loudly about all the dregs of the society giving everyone a hard time. Rosy chose not to reply and simply stood next to Shanmugan’s seat.

Shanmugan took his daughter onto his lap and the rocking motion of the train gradually cradled the little one back to sleep. As she slept, her little head slowly came to rest upon Rosy’s hip and the tender mother in Rosy involuntarily put her hand over the girl’s head and slowly patted her, the little girl’s hand reached out in a state of drowsiness and seeked out Rosy’s hand. “Amma” cried out the girl. Shanmugan jerked in his seat and so did his wife. Their daughter had spoken for the first time and she was doing it again! There it was, she said “Amma” again! Rosy continued patting her little head and the girl looked up into Rosy’s eyes and repeated. Shanmugan in spite of himself had tears in his eyes. He didn’t know what to say, but Rosy just looked at him and smiled in her usual serene manner and all Shanmugan could do was to return the smile.
The train moved on…

Love

Confusion reigned supreme. Emotions collided against each other, the brain just gave up and quit during the height of the crisis. The hormones raged without control, there was no holding back, common sense it seems had taken leave of its senses. The second party involved too seemed to be completely taken over by the pheromonal aura surrounding the surreal environs around the two who seemed like the deer and doe who stumble across each other in the lush green jungle and suddenly realize the existence of a part of their self which seemed to have been dormant until that fated moment. Is this what is commonly referred to as “Love”? Or is it simply a phenomenon dictated by evolutionary necessity for the survival of the species? Is it a misguided mingling of the two young hearts who are unable to see beyond the illusion generated and cast by the “Master Galnds”? Could it be the anticipation of pleasure beyond imagination that has driven one to seek out the other? Could it be that one has misinterpreted the true intentions of the other?

What have the Fates planned out for the two? Is it a sadistic viewpoint of something that is widely held to be an innocent and pure form of Love? Or are all the observations simply the tip of the proverbial iceberg?

The world does see many examples of failure, usually, the two would go through a tempestuous phase sooner rather than later and it would leave the two scarred deep. The illusion suddenly shattered, the ugly reality revealed- the reality so real and so far removed from the stratospheres previously occupied by the two that it causes fear.

Fear of the true lives that had seemed like something from a world in a far of galaxy.

However, some of the lucky ones continue to enjoy the purity of their innocent relationship never realising that they are puppets wielded by Mother Nature. But some are able to see through the illusion and still remain strong. They are able to stand by each other not in anticipation of the earthly pleasures, the strength of their relationship lies not in the earthly layers but far up in the heavens, where even after the truth is known the two remain one and never shall they be twain.

Nainital

My first impression of Nainital wasn't anything positive, or should I say that I wasn't in a position to make any judgement as I sat nausea ridden in the cab that bore us towards the higher altitudes. Only the memory of how a lecturer had pronounced the word Kathgodam kept me going. "Kathmandu!" he had said!


We were in Nainital for a survey camp that was part of our course, so the entire Civil Engg. batch was in Nainital and we were staying at this resort called "Fair Light Trails" which also has Youth Hostelling facilities. If at all you are planning on visiting Nainital, don't stay at some hotel within the city. You won't be able to appreciate the true beauty of this piece of heaven on Earth if you stay in the Mall road. I advise you to get a room at some place situated a little way away from the city, our resort especially was ideally located and it offered an amazing view of the city and was surrounded by forests and hills.



The taxi drivers tend to rip you off, so ask the locals to direct you along the short cut route to "Tanki Point" when you are in an adventurous mood. It will take you about 40 minutes to climb all the way to "Tanki Point" from where you can choose to go to 2 different places or you can choose to rest at "Rana's Tea Stall" which is owned by a very talkative Mr. Rana. From "Tanki" you can either walk a little way along the highway and you will end up at "Himalaya View Point". An amazing treat for your eyes awaits you there, just make sure to go there on a clear skied day or you won't see a thing. If you walk further ahead, beyond "Himalaya View Point", you will find a on the right side of the highway, a few steps leading up to a temple. Pray there if you are the religious type but don't forget to explore the narrow trail that starts off from behind the temple, it will lead you onto a beautiful ridge and it is quite dangerous too, so take your hiking boots along. From the risge, you can hear the sound of rushing water, chirping birds all around you and if you sit there silently enough for a little time, you will find the little birds coming out of all their hiding places and going about their business as if you were not even sitting there.


Also, from "Tanki", you can go to "China Peak". It is a 3 km trek through a forest trail that gets very steep along the way. When you reach the top and see the forest department's canteen, don't assume that you have reached the peak, you need to go around the canteen and further ahead for about 500 meters more and you will find yourself on top of the world. From there, you get to see the Nainital valley as well as the various other valleys all around. When we went there, it was cloudy and clouds were gently rolling into all the valleys. One cloud blew up close towards us and when lightning started flitting across the sky, we got really spooked. We could almost feel the lightning charge, the air around us got ionised and we could hear the sparkling noise that static makes when it comes near your hair!

If you have a lot of time on your hands, you can undertake a 11 km trek through the jungles. When you are climbing up towards "China Peak" you will encounter a board almost halfway up which says that you have climbed 1.3 km and there is still 1.7km left to go. At this point, you will see another path proceeding to the right. This leads to "Kilbury" forest rest house. The path snakes along beautiful forests and is heavenly to walk through. We found a tiny waterfall along the way too and followed the trickle of water upstream. Be mindful of the leeches here though! Once you reach "Kilbury", keep going down and once you hit the highway, walk towards Pangot. From Pangot, you can hire a taxi to take you and your aching legs back to Nainital, if you choose to walk back, then you should consider yourself capable of living in the wild and you ought to pat yourself on your back!

On the mall road, visit the Municipal Library. It is open during the mornings and the evenings. It has a sizeable collection of Fiction and also Sci-fi (I found Isaac Asimov there!). "Bada Market" had many shops with awesome jalebis, and "Cyberia" on mall road had some really sinful pastries.

In case you decide not to walk up to "Tanki" point, you can hire a small cab for about 200 Rs. or a van for 250 to 300 Rs. Well thats all I've got to say about Nainital for now, but I would like to add that my 15 days there were probably the most memorable. Of all my traveling experiences, Nainital gets the peacock throne in the Durabar of my memories. I loved the place so much that I have decided to go back someday and build my home there. I'll probably retire there after 60-70 years, that is, if I'm still stalking the planet!

Philosophers

For those of you who have read Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens, this para that I quote would most likely be very familiar. It has most definitely been seared into my memory. For those of you who haven't had the good fortune to read the book, I will have to explain the circumstances leading up to this para.
Oliver Twist, orphaned at birth by the death of his frail, peniless and homeless mother had been brought up by the parish authorities. After spending his initial years being underfed and receiving absolutely no love of any kind, he is sent away to become an undertaker's apprentice. After having been brought into his new master's home for the first time, the lady of the house very generously offers Oliver a few pieces of left over meat that she had intended to feed the dog which she couldn't find at the moment and hence it came to pass that Oliver was offered the viands. At this moment in the story, the author remarks and I quote:- "I wish some well fed philosopher, whose meat and drink turn to gall within him, whose blood is ice, whose heart is iron, could have seen Oliver Twist clutching at the dainty viands that the dog had neglected. I wish he could have witnessed the horrible avidity with which Oliver tore the bits asunder with all the ferocity of famine. There is only one thing that I should like better- and that would be to see the philosopher making the same sort of meal himself, with the same relish".


How many times have we seen men offering philosophical retorts when instead, their blood ought to be boiling and ready to burst forth and try and solve the injustices? How many times have we heard ourselves saying, "The world is like that and nothing can be done about it"?

In the adjoining picture, Oliver Twist can be seen pleading for more gruel at the parish house for orphans. He was seen as a villain and called a troublemaker and locked up for this! Now its difficult to imagine all this but crimes against children are still occurring at an alarming rate. In an astonishing study, 4 out of 5 boys were found to have been sexually or physically harassed in some way in India, I am not aware of the rate at which such incidents occur in other countries but I'm sure that it is a universal problem that all of us face. Children are repeatedly seen as soft targets by fiends in society and unless we bring in stricter laws and punish these offenders strictly, they are not going to be mitigated. How many of you do not shed tears inwardly when you see bone thin children on the roads begging for one morsel. Traveling in our trains is enough to enlighten the most insulated of us. It is not enough that we simply educate and train an army of engineers and scientists and doctors. We should also make sure that they are humans and are ready to give back to society once they have established themselves. It is not enough that our politicians simply pay lip service, while a Ramadoss is vociferously trying to improve the health of the nation through loud propaganda against smoking and drinking on screen, there are millions out there who don't have access to the most basic of health care, drinking water or hygienic living conditions. Rest not my friend until you have helped thy neighbor, rest not until you can look into the mirror and say satisfactorily that you have lived life honorably.

Humanity

'Schindler's List' is one movie that I would strongly recommend to everyone. The very core of the movie deals with how propaganda and a single man's madness can turn humans en masse into blood thirsty cannibals, worse than all that hell may hold! But even when the whole world seems to have gone mad, and wrong seems to be right (after all, isn't whatever society accepts considered to be correct?) just because everyone seems to be doing what shouldn't even be thought about, Schindler goes right ahead with what he feels is right.

The movie made me cry and left me in a very horrified state, especially after the scene where the women are rounded up and sent into the showers at Auschwitz. One can only imagine what the warders and the prison guards and the others involved in the whole project could have been telling themselves, to do anything of that sort on a scale of that sort to another sentient being is unimaginable. Yet it happens, again and again. Not just in Germany, but all over the world. We have wars and mobs and caste wars the serial killers and rapists roaming around over the metropolises of the world.

Back home in India, female babies are not even allowed to see the light of day, minors are increasingly becoming the soft targets. The crowning glory of it all is that the capital of the nation has earned the sobriquet "Rape Capital"!

Have you noticed the general apathy towards everything that is not immediately going to affect us or our close family members? Politicians responsible for running the country could not even maintain quorum when inflation was being discussed. Its time that we all learned a little bit of humaneness or just admit that we are basically animals and animalistic trappings shall stay with us as long as we as a race exist.