LET THE WOMAN BLOOM

Watching the explosion of public sentiment after the horrendous incident in Delhi last week where a girl was brutally assaulted, I am beginning to fear that we are all missing the woods for the trees.

Everyone was clamouring for the capital punishment to be meted out to the accused. It was argued that this would set a precedent and would act as a deterrent. Everyone was understandably shaken, especially those with daughters.

The constant media attention on this particular case also brought out florid statements from our parliamentarians. While the Delhi government chose to blame the police, the media kept pointing out the excessive deployment of police personnel for VIP security and how this left our police forces understaffed. The “common public” interviewed on these channels blamed both.

While I share the revulsion at the disgusting and horrifying crime that has been committed, I am also left feeling a little underwhelmed. Listening to the response of the people on our popular media leaves me feeling like I have heard it all before and nothing has changed.

While some may say I am being cynical, I simply want to advise caution to everyone. Stop! Look out! We are falling into the familiar trap of missing the woods for the trees! While arguing over small details, we fail to recognize that the roots of such crimes are within each of our homes. Each one of us is guilty in a small way and must hold ourselves culpable. There are plenty of cases of domestic violence and abuse in each of our families, how many of us have had the courage to report our own uncles and stand in the dock against them? The women in such abusive relationships grit their teeth and bear it out, for they have nowhere else to turn to. Their parents would be unwilling to take them back due to the social stigma attached to a separated woman. They are unable to provide for themselves because their education was compromised, as their parents thought that the ‘place’ for a woman is by her husband’s side. How many of us raise our daughters to be strong independent individuals?

How many of us encourage and give our daughters equal opportunities to shine in life? Do we give them equal nourishment, healthcare and education? Do we nurture their dreams and aspirations to the same extent as that of our boys?

Simple things that seem innocuous to us are only the manifestations of this unfair social system. We have simply grown too comfortable with the system to recognize its warts. A husband walks into the house after work, kicks off his shoes and calls out to his wife for a cup of tea or coffee. The husband behaves as the lord at home and expects the women in his household to meekly submit to his every whim. We expect our wives to sacrifice their careers and aspirations. Major financial decisions of the family are taken without consulting the women. How then can we expect women to be consulted when it comes to running and governing the country?

The skewed sex ratio is a perfect example of the extent to which women have been mistreated. Families with girl children see them as a liability.

The malaise in our society runs deep and wide. The four boys are not the only culprits in this horrid incident. The collective inertia of all the social mores of our patriarchal society has snowballed over the years to ensure that the Men remain in control of property, progeny, home, and country.

It is easy for the politicians to hold the police guilty, for the media to hold the politicians guilty and for all the youth marching out to India Gate to hold the media, the politicians and the police guilty. Everyone is pointing fingers at just about everyone else.

Things are not going to magically change overnight by hanging those four boys. It may act as a small deterrent, but it is not going to change the lives of all the women and girls in our country. For that, we must look within and realize that true change must begin from us - our families and our own mohallas and villages.

We must stop perpetuating the patriarchal system of ‘giving away’ our girls. Why must a woman sever ties with her family after marriage? Stop expecting dowries and report those who do to the authorities. Ensure that every girl is sent to school and make sure that we teach our young boys to share the workload of household chores. Let’s make sure that we teach our boys that leering is a disgusting habit, and let’s ensure that they are taught to respect women. Let’s hope that the media stops teaching our youth to objectify women and instead teaches them how to cherish women and make them feel cherished.

Let us pledge to ensure the financial empowerment of all our daughters and bring them into the leadership structure of our society, thereby striking a balance and introducing a more nuanced approach to many of society’s problems.

Let the Woman bloom to her full extent!